Ramblerambleramble

Sleep is a concept that I no longer understand. Homework is a thing of the past. Dreams too often turn to nightmares and hopes sometimes crash down too hard. But out of if all, I somehow have been given a bright spot. And I'm hoping that it's enough to get me through. Tonight, you should just go listen to nightingale by demi lovato. And then once you've done that, if you actually know me, call me and I'll tell it several stories about a nightingale and I'll ramble on for a half hour about how much I love this. Judge me if you want. I honestly don't care.

You... And only you.

It's true; I like you...
So please don't play with my heart;
For now it's still whol

Even though we aren't going to prom together... You have no idea how much it meant knowing that if you could get out of your current date you would go with me.. You're a great guy.. I hope you never forget that(:
AHHH the butterflies

Be Brave

What does it mean to be brave, exactly? Well, the dictionary says that brave is an Adjective meaning "Ready to face and endure danger or pain; showing courage."
I think to be brave, you have to be willing to deal with the hurt of a life because you know it'll be better in the end. This girl in my life just... Flabbergasts me with her bravery. To force yourself to try to make things better day in and day out. That's crazy. She may be in the fight now... But I know one day she will make it out. And I hope I'll still be right there with her when it happens.

"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone."

I absolutely hate nights like this... I hate remembering. I hate knowing that I could make more of an effort to reach out. But also acknowledging my fear of the fact that I know things won't be the same if I do anyway... I hate it. But I miss them.

Blah.

Went on a walk to find inspiration.
I found that.. And then some.
A breath of fresh air.
A cleared head.
Some new ideas.
A couple pictures.
A busy mind.
Mud on my shoes.
New worries.
Old worries.
A boy who is somehow capable of making me melt.. And yet I know I literally don't have a single chance with him.
He flirts with everyone.. So it's easy to see he realizes I'm nothing special.
Also found that I've got a soul full of wanderlust.
The need to travel.
I'm black and white.
And also every shade of gray.
And several greens. And a lot more of the rainbow.
I am witty, and boring.
Hopeful and dreary.
Overflowing wanderlust, and anchored to the floor with my own fears.
So many things.
I don't even know.
Meh.

I hate that feeling of always being so temporary in people's lives. Like, "oh hey! Things suck right now so we're going to be all buddy buddy and imma talk to you everyday and we'll get thru this together as long as you're there for me". And then BAM! One day they don't need me, and I'm thrown back out in the rain. Like really? Am I that disposable? So replaceable? Not that I don't want to be there for you, because I'd do anything for those I care about, but for once I'd like someone to want me around even when things are falling apart. I want to be that friend that people go to just because they enjoy my company, not because they can get something from me; whether that be support, a shoulder to lean on, money, etc.idk. I'll stop this rant now. I'm just. Meh.
Anywho, listening to Terrible Things by mayday parade.
And although by definition it's quite sad.. It's absolutely beautiful. And i can't get enough of it.