S-i-m-p-l-i-f-y...

Honestly? These pas few days have been pretty awful. Things are spinning way too fast right now.. A little too much stress for me. And as I'm laying in my bed tonight, I made the decision to simplify my life. I'm starting by getting off of all but one social networking site that I am on. These things seem to just take up valuable brain space that I could be putting towards more useful things. Not to mention they are a big time waster for me. I've also been working on my outlook.. How I see things... It's been, well let's jus say rough lately, and I need to get myself thinking positive about things.. Even when I epically screw things up with people. In the words of an amazing person that I never got the pleasure of meeting, "Love God. Love people. Simple." night all! -a

Thinking...

I've got a lot on my mind and luckily, a lot of time tonight to do said thinking. The first thing on my mind? Honestly I've been going over the counts to a mallet excercise from my practice tonight. And it goes a little something like this: 1-e-a 2-and 3-e-a 4-and. Haha yeah. That's my life for ya(: the second thing I'm thinking about is whether I should have given him more time than I did.. I feel like something great could have happened. But I feel like as every second passes the 'us' that could have been slips farther into the past. The third thing I'm thinking about is what am I going to think years from now when I look back on this year. This the scars have faded? Will I remember any of these lyrics that I so adore right now? Will I still have some of the same friends in my life? There is also some other deep stuff going through my head.. But I feel like it doesn't really matter enough to put it on here for you all to read. So goodnight for now...

I like it.. (:

"Honestly, I'm not sure if I should just keep holding on or let go. It's stupid to hold on to something that just keep hurting you.. But it's also stupid to let go of everything you've wanted." "I don't want a serious relationship. I'm a teenager. I want someone I can be a complete idiot around, that we can spend hours talking about the most pointless of things. I want someone who can make me laugh and who I can plan stupid things with that will never actually happen. Because even though I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic, I'm sick of seeing all these movies where the girls fall in love with the perfect boy. Who wants perfect? I want adventure. I want someone I can tell my secrets to and waste my weekend with and act like we are five years old again. I want to have fun." "She may come across as hard to get, but that's because she's been through some things, seen some things and been there, done that. She's cold, yes. But only because she once cared about someone who failed to care about her. She's built a fortress to protect her heart from further damage. You may have told her that you're different, but she won't believe it until you prove it. Words don't mean a thing and actions mean everything."

Listen..

"I'm just saying it's fine by me, If you never leave. And we can lay like this forever, It's fine by me." Fine By Me - Andy Grammar

Garblegarlsiele.

Yes. The title says it all, right? In other words I'm super tired, have a headache and my knee seems to want to just quit. Marching today pretty much sucked. But it's over and technically it's a good memory but whatever. Tomorrow's graduation... It's kind of a sad thing for me.. One girl is graduating that I got to know pretty well.. And honestly, even though she drove me crazy sometimes, she's also the only person that I've ever been able to call in the middle of the night when I'm breaking down.. In other news... I'm fairly certain that I have somehow managed to put myself forever in the friend zone. It's pretty much what I do. That's what I get for not being good with making decisions and having trust issues. Oh well.. A dog that you should probably look up if you don't know it already is Boston by Augustana.... Pretty much on repeat right now... Well I'm dead tired.. So goodnight

Looking back while running forward...

So with the school year basically over... I've been looking back and realizing everything that has changed this past year. I started the year by basically losing my best friend. I made some new great friends. I acted in a fee plays and I won a state title. But I myself have also changed. Maybe not for the better or ever for the worse.. But I have changed... And now as I'm blasting towards my senior year I find myself looking back wondering what would have happened if I had done some things differently.. Would I have actually passed that class? Would I have gone to that dance? Maybe even gone to that party or kissed that boy that I had been talking to? I'm not looking back and regretting... Just wondering I guess. And I'm also wondering if I actually changed for the worse... Whether I really did fall into this hole too deep to the point that I've shut everyone out. Idk... Tonight I also made the mistake of weighing myself... Not a good thing to do... But whatever.. I wish I would hear from him.. I don't want to lose this guy friend... Now playing? Dancing Away With My Heart by Lady antebellum... Maybe you should give it a listen.

177 down, 3 to go...

Three days of school left. And today was actually pretty good. I didn't do much at school, I mowed my yard, went to youth group, made brownies, and watched American Idol. And my favorite idol, Phillip Phillips won! I literally teared up when he won and started to sing his new single "Home". It was fantastic, he was fantastic. I just loved it. And in the middle of the song he had to just stop because he started crying. He was so humble about it and he went down before the song ended and hugged his dad. I'm really glad he won. So basically, I'm tired.. So I'm about done... "you get lost you can always be found. Jus know you're not alone, I'm gonna make this place your home." -home by Phillip Phillips... I love it!!!..

Truthfully...

Today has literally been awful... Don't get me wrong, it was gorgeous outside and we only have four days of school left... But today just wasnt good. I don't understand how people can be so utterly cruel. I mean, how can you say something like that? Do you even realize what that's doing to me? I don't understand.... I actually was told that someone had bad news for me three times today. And each one wasn't just bad, it was awful. These are the days that I just want to forget all this. Where I wish I moved somewhere where no one knows my name. Because around here, it seems like people think tag just because they know my name they automatically know my whole story. But knowing my name doesn't even scratch the surface of my life. And to you-know-who out there, if you had to ask you obviously don't need to know. You and I both know you dont care about what's going on with me anymore. I should probably stop now... All I'm doing is ranting... I need to be able to breathe.

A Little Bit of Me...

I cannot say this any better than this song... Long Live by Twylor Swift "I said remember this moment, in the back of my mind The time we stood with our shaking hands The crowds in the stands went wild We were the Kings and the Queens And they read off our names The night you danced like you knew our lives Would never be the same You held your head like a hero On a history book page It was the end of a decade But the start of an age Long live the walls we crashed through All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you I was screaming long live all the magic we made And bring on all the pretenders One day, we will be remembered I said remember this feeling I passed the pictures around Of all the years that we stood there On the side-lines wishing for right now We are the Kings and the Queens You traded your baseball cap for a crown When they gave us our trophies And we held them up for our town And the cynics were outraged Screaming "this is absurd" Cause for a moment a band of thieves In ripped up jeans got to rule the world Long live the walls we crashed through All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you I was screaming long live all the magic we made And bring on all the pretenders I'm not afraid Long live all the mountains we moved I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you I was screaming long live that look on your face And bring on all the pretenders One day, we will be remembered Hold on to spinning around Confetti falls to the ground May these memories break our fall Will you take a moment, promise me this That you'll stand by me forever But if God forbid fate should step in And force us into a goodbye If you have children some day When they point to the pictures Please tell them my name Tell them how the crowds went wild Tell them how I hope they shine Long live the walls we crashed through I had the time of my life, with you Long, long live the walls we crashed through All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you I was screaming long live all the magic we made And bring on all the pretenders I'm not afraid Singing, long live all the mountains we moved I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you And long, long live that look on your face And bring on all the pretenders One day, we will be remembered"

Saturday Night Thoughts...

Good evening! I'd like to call this meeting to order. First off, I'd just like to say that my least favorite number is 8. Second, my hair is currently in braids. Not like the kind of braids that are totally in style, but like little girl braids down the side of my head. Haha I love it. Today was really really nice out. I spent all day with my mom and it was nice. We didn't do a darn thing, but it was great just being in each others company. She seems a little off lately... The nausea has been much worse lately. The third thing I'd like to put out here is the results to my experiment I mentioned the other day. Well, the results show that only two people tried to talk to me. One was just asked a question that I didn't know the answer to, and one had a very short text convo with me but then said nothing for the next two days... So yeah, these findings really suck. Like bad. But I halfway expected this, so it's okay. I've decided that really, on life if you don't like something, you should just change it. And well, I don't like me. So I think it's that time again for some growing up, re-evaluating, and some sweat, because I'm ready to just surround myself with those who care and I love and work on getting me back to healthy. I'm ready to be truly happy. I need this. So, I guess if you don't hear very much from me, you might be something that changed in my life. I love you guys who are actually out there reading this! Enjoy tonight... -A

Yeah, I didn't think so..

So, tonight I thought about posting something on twitter. But then I realized that no one would care what I wrote anyway, so i didnt. I'd much rather post on here, because this blog I'm doing for me, not for anyone else. And tonight I would just like to put it out there that someways, I break. I reach that point where I just literally start crying. Where I feel like I can't take this anymore and I just want to drive away with all the ones I love in my life and get away from everything here. But then I realize that after this horrible day is over, I'll be better. The next day? I'll be stronger than the day before. And I'll be alright for awhile. Today I found out that even mydisguise is better than I thought. Even my 'best friend' can't see through it anymore. Oh well. I really did have an enjoyable evening after all of this... You know, I really am worried about my mom. I just want her to be okay. To not be plagued with this damn thing called cancer. She doesn't deserve this. And I would do absolutely anything to take it away from her. Idk, I suppose that's enough ranting for tonight. Oh, and seeing as this is my 42nd post, I'm dedicating it to my good friend P. M. He'd understand why... Goodnight y'all! -A Now playing: Scars by Miley Cyrus.. Don't be hating..

Just A Tidbit..

Quick note here. I hate that moment of panic that I get when a plane is doing touch and goes near my house and it sounds like its going to crash... My heart? Yeah, it's racing right now haha.

"You okay?"...

Cant't even begin to say how many times I've hear that in the past 5 years... I used to answer completely honestly. Then I realized that in today's society no one really wants to know the truth. So unless I really trust you, I probably just answer with what you want to hear so I don't have to explain myself. Today I was asked who is was that made me get so upset... Well, I answered that it was no one, that it wasn't a big deal. The thing is, I just didn't want to say the truth because she wouldn't have understood. I was upset at myself. I had been doing so well and then I fell back down and let myself down. THAT is why I was upset. It wasn't just some petty high school drama. It was real life problems going on in my teenage life. So many things are on my mind right now. But I feel like the only place I can talk about everything that's really going on is in my notebook, where I write everything down. That way I don't waste my peers' time trying to vent everything that is really going on in my life. I love you guys, whoever out here that is reading this. Tonight I have an amazing song stuck on repeat. A really goo friend showed it to me a while back... Who knew so much could change since then?.. Now playing? To Be With You by Mr. Big

Testing One, Two, Three...

So for the next three days I'm going to be doing an experiment. I know that none of my friends read this so it's okay for me to say this. I'm going to be finding out who is really here for me. Or really, just who wants to talk to me at all. I'll post how this goes later. Honestly, I'm not sure that I want to find out the truth. But here goes nothing. Love you guys! -A

Secrets...

Wanna know a secret? Well.. I'm sorry but this time, this time I'm not going to just say it. Because that backfired last time. And those words hurt. Too bad that perso doesn't even know the effects words can have on people. One this that I want to do in my life is prove that against everything else, ill make something of myself. I want to prove that I am worth something.. Today I had a chance to just think for a little while. I was thinking about how some people are born strong, and some people fight every day and they get stronger with every heartbreak. Then the some I have on repeat came on and I just wished that a certain someone could hear it. So on the off chance that this person reads this, the song Some People Change by Montgomery Gentry is what I'm talking about... Can't stop listening. "Here's to the strong thanks to the brave, Don't give up hope, some people change, Against all odds, against the grain, Love finds a way, some people change," Those lyrics are just what I needed to hear today. I have a question for anyone Jo happens to read this; what is your favorite song? Honestly. I'm just curious. Just type it in the little comment box. Or, of you don't want to do that, jus think about your favorite song and ask why that is your favorite. Is it the lyrics? The emotions behind it? Maybe just the back beat? Or the bass that makes you want to dance? Think about it's meaning to you... And maybe even comment and tell me about it?

Should Have Noticed...

I just realized that my last two posts were about me worrying. That's probably all you electronic people out there think I do. Well, I do partake in other activities besides worrying. Such as reading, listening to and playing music, baking, being outside in general andorra course writing down everything brilliant that I think comes out of my mind. So there. I do have a little bit of a life. Anyway, have a good day! -A

Worry...

Today is mothers day.. And what am I doing? Worrying like usual. I feel like I failed my mon because I didn make a huge day out of mothers day because I couldn't afford to get her what I wanted to.. Which I know Sousa petty and stupid. And lately I've noticed how her memory has gotten worse, which chemo rain does that to you, but it seems worse tha usual. That with her starting this risky new treatment in a few weeks has me going crazy. Because even though we disagree sometimes, I couldn't make it without my mom. The thougt of losing her terrifies me beyond belief. I just want her to be okay. I want this new drug to work wonders and for her to be cancer free. I want a cure for this evil called cancer. And I pray every night for a miracle. No matter how down I get day to day, her strength gives me a reason to keep pushing forward. I don't have the words to begin to express my love for my momma. My lesson for you all for today? Never take your family for granted. When it comes down to it they are all you've got. And like my mom told me las night "happiness is this moment, where I can simply sit on my couch and eat rice crispy treats from a bowl while watching a moving with my daughter." night all. -A

Worry-wart...

I am a worrier. I literally worry about everything. Things that most people don't even think of at all in their life, things that a teenager shouldn't worry about, things that don't even need to be worried about. I think I over-think everything. But lately I've been confronted with several things that have to do with my future and I just panic.. I've cried more these past two days than I have in quite some time. And I've come to the solid conclusion that I am in no way shape or form ready to be N adult on my own... There is truly an awful lot more in my mind but I'm going on two hours of sleep and I'm just sounding ridiculous anyway... On the bright side I am reading to fantastic books. I'll give details on those later. Good night all! -A

Secrets Life of Ally...

I love to read. It's another passion. But wanna know a secret? When I'm reading a really good book, I like to read it until I can't keep my eyes open any longer at night, then I sleep with it under my pillow.. As if I could continue the story in my dreams.

Redundant Redundant...

Do I repeat myself often on this thing? Because I feel as though I do. But then again, my life tends to be a big repetition of the same bleh all the time. "this fire is alive in your eyes. Well I can barely breathe and I can hear the dark hearts marching and I won't go down easily. Stay here by my side and we will be the last ones standing. So hold my hand and kiss me." now playing? Last One Standing by Hot chelle Rae. I really have decided that I should probably make some changes in this old life of mine. Because this path I'm on? Probably isn't the best for me. I would like to be healthy. Physically AND mentally/emotionally. This coming Friday I am supposed to be going to see the movie "The Lucky One" with two girls from the church I'm currently attending.. Honestly, I'm nervous. Because I'm somewhat of an extremely awkward person. And I don't really know them all that well... Just hoping that If I do go, I can act like a normal person and not make them think that I'm a freak or something. I guess I'll just have to wait and see on that. Tonight I'm wondering if people think I'm an open book. Am I easy to read? Is it easy to tell how I'm feeling? I wish I knew what people REALLY think about me.. Then again, I'm afraid that if I knew, I would dislike myself even more... So scratch that idea. On a side note, I'm trying to get closer to this guy that I though liked me... Petty, but I'm sure I'll find a way to screw this up.

Strange....

I am really surprised at how normal today feels. It almost feels like it used to be... back before everything happened. Back before I changed. I mean, I woke up today and smiled. I just felt good. I'm really excited to see someone tomorrow. its only been since January that i've seen her, but it feels like a lifetime. Truth is, I dont agree with a lot of stuff that goes on in her life, but i do things in mine that she doesn't agree with either. Its a trade off. I hope This weekend will be good for us. Because a lot can be misunderstood through text messages and with so much trying to be communicated, it will be a nice change to actually get to talk.
Not sure why, but now playing is Say Goodbye by Skillet
"Don't say goodbye cause i dont wanna hear those words tonight. Cause maybe its not the end for you and i. and although we knew this time would come for me and you. and although we knew this time would come for me and you dont say goodbye."

It's Possible...

Is it possible to forgive when you can't come to terms with what happened? What about letting go when the pain is all you've had for so long? Can memories really keep you going when nothing else helps? Today, I hope I never forget the people that have been here for me. And those who tried to be here but couldn't find the words to say. I promise I'll try harder to understand your point of view. I promise to forgive you when you break a promise, because Lord knows I've broken mine. I promise to be supportive of everything you want to strive for in life, because life is a beautiful thing when you do what you truly love! I hope we can get closer.. I want to know you, like really know you. Besides all that, tonight I'm thinking about relationships.. And how I feel like I'm too difficult to be in one. All I want is someone I can be real around. Someone I don't have to hide certain parts of e from. Oh, and they probably should have a great taste in music, that would always help(; I don't know.. I'm also thinking about how I'm worried for my mom. It'll be almost 4 months off of chemo therapy by the time she has her next appointment to get new scans.. Her cancer is fast growing.. And I'm just really praying that there are no new spots and no new growth on previous spots.. Prayers are always needed. And honestly this whole situation. Has me pretty stressed.. Tomorrow night I'm supposed to be going to youth group for the first time in probably 5 or 6 months... I'm nervous. Is it bad that I'm hoping no one can read through me? More tomorrow I'm sure... Now playing? Nothing... Its a quiet evening but thoughts fill my head. -A

'Cause when push comes to shove you see what you're made of. You might bend til you break cause its all you can take. On your knees you look up decide you've had enough. You get mad you get strong wipe your hands, shake it off then you stand." That is whats playing right now. I just wish that i could communicate everything thats going on in my head. I absolutely cannot wait until summer. The sunshine, the freedom, the memories. Its what i live for.. at least most of the time. But when i really start to think about it i realize just how much this summer means. I'm going to be a senior after this summer. I'm going to have to start making plans for the future. I have to learn who is going to stay here for me. And i'll probably even find out who i am going to be. Ive been thinking about things that i want to do in my life. And as odd as it sounds, I want to write for a Newspaper sometime. Nothing big, just something. I'd also love to be a photographer. When you get that perfect shot, when the light hits the subject just right, its amazing. And that would be so much fun for me. I've been thinking about college, and majors and such. Well, since i was little i've always said that i wanted to be a nurse or a pediatrition. But lately i have been wondering if that's actually what i want to do with my life. I might just be thinking too much about it, but i want to do something with my life that is meaningful, but also that i enjoy. I dont just want to have some cubical job  where i clock in and clock out with no real meaning. But I guess before i get to that poin, i have to get through highschool. And that is even more terrifying. People can be cruel, and sometimes you don't get second chances. So I guess i need to start doing what I want to do, and not worry about everyone else. I just want to be happy. and really, Who says that i can't be? Sorry for such a long, random post. I guess that just shows how my brain works. Too cluttered and constantly thinking. Until Later! -A

Mirror Mirror...

The mirror is my enemy. It lies all too well. I just wish I could tell what is fact and what is fiction. Because how this is going right now is not how I want to stay.. But today will be a better day than yesterday. I mean... It has to be, right?.. -A

End or beginning?..

Is this the end? Or is this just a chance to find what I've been looking for? Today a part or 'season' of my life has come to an end. And I feel okay with that to some extent. I'm not so sure my heart was totally in it.. It could have been great. But I get in the way of myself. Also, today is Monday. Which is basically the perfect basis for a bad day. So my migraine and nosebleed were probably just there to add excitement or something. I was looking through my quote book and found this one and it made me think.       “A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other...Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever”. This is inevitably true. Too bad we don't realize it until too late.. It's 10:16 pm and honestly? I just wish someone would text me so I wouldn't feel so alone... Now playing? Mistake by Demi Lovato "Won't be taking your midnight calls I'll ignore the rocks you throw at my walls. I can see it written on your face you know you've made it, your greatest mistake." <--- definitely my song tonight.

If Only You Knew...

To the one who held me up but only while it was convenient to you. If only you knew how much you meant to me. I wonder if you'd change anything... Would you have been here for me if you knew everything? To the one that i told everything to but could never get inside your head.If only you knew that I miss the friendship we had last year. You were my best friend.. But you bailed on me. I know I didn't handle things the best but you completely left me when I was losing it. To the one that ive been friends with since birth. If only you knew that I worry about you day in and day out. I never want to lose you. But you seem to slip farther away each time we talk. You are better than the things you do. You deserve so much better. Please don't leave me? To the one that I let down this month because I can't handle all this. If I ly you knew how much I appreciate what you've done to help me. I owe a lot to you. And I am still trying to think of a way to thank you. To the one that gave me their heart but I couldn't return. I wish you knew how much I hate how I hurt you everytime I say no.. I truly never meant to hurt you. I just, didn't know how I needed to be. And I was too late. To my younger self. If only you knew that scars don't fade as fast as you may hope. That what you think about your looks and what others think of how you look are two totally different things. You shouldn't have tried to change.. I jus hope you know now that you are worth so much more than what people say about you. im Sorry that I let both of us down. And pushed so many people away. I could add more people to this list... But my eyes are burning as it is.. And I know that no one will read this anyway... Looks like its another night alone.

Gahhh...

Today I've been a mess. And I sincerely apologize to all of my friends that have had to deal with me... Hopefully after Saturday I can return to my normal level of insanity... Tonight I saw one of the women who pretty much saved me last year when I was first going through some tough stuff. She picked me up and wouldn't let me fall. I owe a lot to her, and it was great to talk to her. I really want to actually get to sit and have a coke with her and just catch up. Because I haven't actually talked or seen her in quite a long time.. And I miss that. There's a lot about me now that she doesn't know. I wish I could be there for her daughters like I use to be. They are some of the sweetest girls I know. And even though they are young they are so fun to be around and very mature. But... I'm probably not the best person for them to be around anyway.. I don't make the best choices with myself. And I know they need a positive role model... But I still miss them. I hope the women who saved me wont be upset when she finds out who I've been.. I guess I'll find out. You know, she saved me from myself once, now Im realizing that it's terrifying that I know now that I'm the only one who can save myself... Psalm 138:7 "though I walk in the midst of trouble, You preserve my life. You stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes. With your right hand you save me." Ps. Tomorrow is prom. And I'm freaking out about it... It doesn't help that I feel like a beaches whale in my dress.. I need to get over that..

One Down, Two To Go...

So today I went running around town with my best friend.. And honestly? I had a blast. I was actually kind of hesitant when she asked if I wanted to go because I feel like I'm way too awkward in public.. But today as really good. And it was really nice to be able to actually talk about things thy matter, on top of the usual school-type banter. But her nails turned out just great and I found my shoes to wear to prom, so it was quite the successful afternoon. I'd like to take a moment and be honest with myself here... Everything that's going on with my parents divorce sucks. And I'm not always the best at handling my thoughts.. My sadness.. Or my anger.. Things could have been handled soo much better from the start.. But alas, some 'adults' are always going to act like children.. If only they could see the casualties for their actions.. Just remember, the mirror CAN lie.. It never shows what's inside... And really? It's incredible what you can hide with a smile. Now Playing? Believe in Me by Demi Lovato "I don't wanna be afraid. I want to wake up feeling beautiful today. And know that I'm okay, cause everyone's perfect in unusual ways.. So see I, just wan to believe in me..."

Missing...

So lately, there have been things going on that have made me realize just how much i miss having certain people in my life. There's my older brother who just graduated college and is staying three hours.. I feel like i'm losing him.. But I guess thats just part of growing up? I don't know, but I don't like it. Then there is my cousin... Who I used to be super close to, but I just now realized how much I don't actually know her. I know a little about her, but I don't know who she is as a person anymore.. But again, maybe that's just part of growing up too. Honestly? Growing up sucks. As little kids we always wanted to be older. But i'm now convinced that we were just brain washed to think that way. I just feel like as I get older, everyone I love is moving in different directions, including all my brothers and my cousins. I just hope that we find ways to stay connected in each others lives and we don't completely grow apart. Part of the reason this scares me so much is because my family, extended family included, doesnt have the best track record of communication. And I don't want to end up like that.
In another part of my little life, prom is totally stressing me out. Parts of the group I'm going with don't like other parts, and getting people to just put up with each other for one night is a little too much to ask for as it turns out. I want to have a good prom and after-prom. Its actually the first school dance i've ever gone to. I have never really been into this kind of thing.. I guess you could say that i'm NOT a girly girl.
Now playing? Hit the Lights by Selena Gomez. I don't care that everyone hates on her, i really like her music. She's not just another self obsorbed celebrity. So Stop The Hate.
"It's the time you totally screwed up, Still you try to get it out your brain, It's the fight you had when you didn't make up, It's the past that you're dieing to change. It's all the money that you're saving, While the good life passes by. It's all the dreams that never came true, Cause you're too damn scared to try."

Whatever...

I just had a very long post typed out and then my phone from which I'm posting this Froze and deleted the entire thing. So I will cyber pout tonight and say whatever. I'm annoyed at more than this stupid blog right now. Now Playing? Backbone by There A Little Faster.

Overplayed...

So, today many songs get way too overplayed on the radio. They may have been your favorite song even before it started getting popular, but then all of sudden it gets played on the radio over and over and you cannot stand to listen to it. Well, for me, that overplayed song that i used to love is Somebody That I Used To Know by Goyte. And I still like it, but it gets annoying now that EVERYONE knows it. The chorus of it is what i love about it. Its honest, and point blank. It's the kind of thing that i dream about getting to say to someone but i know i never will. "But you didn't have to cut me off. Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing. And I don't even need your love, But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough. No you didn't have to stoop so low. Have your friends collect your records and then change your number, I guess that I don't need that though, Now you're just somebody that I used to know"
The sad thing is that i know that even though there is still someone that i would like to say that to, i know that i wouldnt. I feel like im much too timid to be that blunt. I mean, for those who know me, I often say things that i probably shouldnt just because i dont have a filter. But when it gets down to it, i'm not quite sure that i would be able to say what i really mean. Words don't come easily to me. But it is on my bucket list to just say exactly what i mean for an entire day. No holding back, no filtering. Just my true feelings. You'll hear back from me later for a good music update! Until we meet again... -A

7AM...

"of all the things I still remember, summers never looked the same, years go by and time just seems to fly, but them memories remain. In the middle of September we still play out in the rain. Nothing to lose and nothing new to gain." Good morning! I'm pretty sure I only slept about 3 1/2 hours last night... So today ought to be interesting. I just want to get through today with a smile on my Face and no one new upset at me. Is it bad that I'm kind of upset that it's going to be high 70's low 80's this week? I'm not ready for the heat. Mainly because I'm not a big fan of wearing shorts to school... Oh well, we'll see how that goes. I'm sure you'll hear more from me later. So ta-ta for now! -A